How to Fall in Love

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Lil wrote letters on white note cards with a black fountain pen. She spritzed them with her favorite perfume. The scent was floral with hints of vanilla. Hundreds of stories were kept in a shoebox. Sometimes they were addressed to someone specific such as a Phil or a John, but often notes were addressed to her next lover. To a man whom she’d meet at the Tavern down the street or at the park on a Sunday. She knew there was always a chance.

~

It was a Saturday night and people were falling in and out of love. A man named Jim had left the Tavern. He was a storyteller. Whenever Liv came to the Tavern she hoped to hear stories from which she could write more letters. Lil ordered another round. She was chatting with the bartender when she felt someone brush up against her shoulder and a woodsy scent fill the air. This man was tall, had grey eyes and wore a baby blue sweater. His name was Tony and when he sat down next to her it was if her evening had just begun.

Over two beers, Tony told Lil about an elderly man he had passed on his way to the bar. Lil focused on the sound of his voice. It was soft and quiet. She was surprised she didn’t have to ask him to speak up a little. Tony told Lil that there was a man sitting on a park bench wearing a parka who had offered him a smoke. The man told him that in his eighty four years he found that women never stuck around long enough for him to fall in love. They always had somewhere to go. The mall. The movies. The diner. His voice was warm like honey. Things didn’t have to be so complicated. She believed people didn’t fall in love all at once. Falling was a process and it led to endless possibilities.

They were on their third round of drinks when Tony told her he had a secret he wanted to share. She was under the impression everything between them was a secret. Lil leaned in closer to Tony and noticed he smelled like pine. He told her that when he was in High School he realized girls would always outrun him. On the pavement and in love. He’d never be able to catch his breath. His heart would always be in his stomach.

Lil knew love was sometimes like this. Dark when it ought to be light. She reached for his hand. It was tanned and felt smooth. She felt dizzy. Lil told him that perhaps women were afraid or just not so self-aware.

“Are you afraid?” Tony asked, holding her gaze.

“A little,” Lil said with a smile that rolled over into a fit of nervous laughter. He laughed too and it cracked any tension between them.

Tony moved closer to Lil and the stool moving made a funny sound. She could smell his minty breath.

Lil was becoming used to Tony’s soft voice and piercing eyes. There’s a new normal. He smiled as he spoke. Lil thought of the note she had written that morning. She imagined someone she would converse easily with and it would be as if they had met before. They’d laugh at the same time and the sound of their laughter would be as natural as breath. For that reason, she’d never want to leave. When you reveal who you really are, not just the color of your eyes or the sound of your voice, you give someone a chance to slip into a space he or she forgot existed.

It wasn’t that Lil wanted the events of the night to change or evolve into something more, she was practically holding her breath in attempt for things to stay the same. This moment when any real doubt hadn’t entered her mind. It was euphoric. She thought Tony felt the same because he hadn’t whispered they get out of there nor had he let his gentle grasp of her hand go free.

The pair stood outside of the Tavern under the stars. The pavement littered with used up cigarettes. Tony lived in one direction and Lil in the other. They held hands in the freezing cold and he gently rubbed the inside of her palm. The sun was sure to begin to rise in an hour or so.

It doesn’t matter who shows their cards first. Everyone is holding a hand. Lil pressed her petite body up against Tony’s gray peacoat. In her three inch heels her head just met his chest. She wanted to know what being closer felt like. She let out a big sigh. It felt like home.

Tony wrapped his giant arms around Lil and it was at this very moment they both slipped into something that would be hard to escape from. Commitments are also unspoken words. Love doesn’t follow rules.

They stopped wondering which direction they would walk. It’s a feeling that’s hard to put into words. Honey on the inside and buzzing on the outside. Perhaps if given the chance, Tony would’ve written a letter to Lil too. If that night could’ve been put into words, it would’ve been, “how to fall in love.”